Glasto 2007 rumour-mill round-up

• Following people dead: Fidel Castro, Salman Rushdie, the Queen, Baroness Thatcher, Daniel Bedingfield, Cliff Richard, Pete Doherty, Andi Peters
  
• Dame Shirley Bassey to join Manics on stage, cover 'Intense Humming of Evil' in style of Bond theme


• Barat, Doherty to reunite, perform secret gig in Portaloo


• Blair to compere John Peel stage on Sunday (while simultaneously appearing at Labour Party conference in Manchester, disturbingly)


• Mean Fiddler organisation has deliberately disabled mobile phone networks for nefarious purposes unknown


• Guy with dreads on tofuburger stall also selling skunk


• Bin Laden spotted near stone circle


• The Who to take to stage dressed as boy scouts


• Escaped puma from Bristol Zoo loose in backstage area; has attacked Peaches Geldof


• Winehouse handing out fivers

Winehouse offered Government post

WESTMINSTER -- Further controversy surrounded Gordon Brown's plans for Government this evening, after Pop 24 learnt that controversial pop sensation Amy Winehouse has informally been offered a ministerial position.

Sources close to the Brown and Winehouse camps confirmed that the Chancellor met with Winehouse briefly on 17 June to tentatively discuss the offer of a junior ministerial position within the Department for Culture, Media and Sport; most likely a newly created role along the lines of Minister of Jazz, Soul and R&B. It is understood that, as part of the arrangement, Ms Winehouse would have been appointed to the Labour benches of the House of Lords.

Pop 24 understands that Winehouse told the Prime Minister-in-waiting to stick his job up his arse.