LONDON -- Tensions surrounding the build-up to the tenth anniversary of the death of Diana, Princess of Wales came to a head late last night –– as reigning monarch Queen Elizabeth II launched an unprecedented and violent attack on pop icon Sir Elton John at an exclusive Soho bistro.
The incident, which has sent shockwaves across the nation, is understood to have followed a heated discussion over next year’s Wembley Stadium memorial concert, which will be organised by Princes William and Harry. The concert, which will commemorate 10 years since the spectacular death of the People’s Princess, boasts Sir Elton himself as part of a stellar line-up that also includes Duran Duran and Bryan Ferry.
Eyewitnesses today told Pop 24 that after a series of bad-tempered quips about "arse-candles in the wind", the booze-fuelled Head of State suddenly launched herself at the pop royalty, drawing a crudely-fashioned flick knife from her garments and vowing to "slice the wiggy fuck". A scuffle ensued, in which lairy Liz easily got the better of the ageing pop star, before being pulled away by a quick-thinking Uri Geller and bundled into a Peugeot. She has not been since since. Sources close to Sir Elton say the singer has lost several millimetres of scalp, and have described his condition as "tetchy".
A Buckingham Palace spokesman said Jamie Oliver was now on standby for this year’s Queen’s Speech, amid fears that this marks the start of another of Her Majesty's legendary "benders".
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