Eavis selling Glastonbury tickets door-to-door

SOMERSET, ENGLAND -- With just days to go until the 2008 Glastonbury festival, organiser Michael Eavis has resorted to unconventional tactics to offload the final tickets.

After the event failed to sell out for the first time in years, the baldy farmer will be spending this weekend travelling Great Britain in his Land Rover, knocking on people's doors and attempting to flog the tickets in person.

"I was quite surprised when Michael turned up at my house trying to sell my husband and I tickets for Glastonbury," said one 47-year-old Sheffield housewife. "I said I was getting a bit old for that kind of thing, and besides, it clashes with a friend's wedding."

But take heed, Britons: Eavis is not a man who readily takes no for an answer. "He kept banging on about the favourable weather forecasts, and how Jay-Z was going to confound the naysayers," revealed one would-be punter in Oban, Scotland. "I thought he'd never leave. He literally had his foot in the door at one point."

This latest move follows earlier attempts to sell the residual tickets, including making them available over the counter in music stores and abandoning the pre-registration process.

Speaking to Pop 24 on his mobile from the Outer Hebrides, Eavis yesterday said: "We've been hearing that a lot of people would love to come to the festival, but don't have internet access or live near a HMV. Or have phones: trendy London media types may be surprised to learn a lot of people in this country still aren't on the phone.

"So I've gone back to basics, selling tickets door-to-door, and the response has been largely positive, with a very small number of threats to call the police. We're confident the festival will sell out and be one of our best ever. Also it will not rain all weekend, and everyone will get laid.

"Actually, you can quote me on that: if you come to the 2008 Glastonbury Festival of Contemporary Arts, you will definitely get laid."

From today, a limited number of tickets are also available through larger branches of Gregg's the bakers.

Glasto 2007 rumour-mill round-up

• Following people dead: Fidel Castro, Salman Rushdie, the Queen, Baroness Thatcher, Daniel Bedingfield, Cliff Richard, Pete Doherty, Andi Peters
  
• Dame Shirley Bassey to join Manics on stage, cover 'Intense Humming of Evil' in style of Bond theme


• Barat, Doherty to reunite, perform secret gig in Portaloo


• Blair to compere John Peel stage on Sunday (while simultaneously appearing at Labour Party conference in Manchester, disturbingly)


• Mean Fiddler organisation has deliberately disabled mobile phone networks for nefarious purposes unknown


• Guy with dreads on tofuburger stall also selling skunk


• Bin Laden spotted near stone circle


• The Who to take to stage dressed as boy scouts


• Escaped puma from Bristol Zoo loose in backstage area; has attacked Peaches Geldof


• Winehouse handing out fivers

Glastonbury tickets to be allocated via series of fiendish riddles

SOMERSET, ENGLAND -- Organisers of the Glastonbury music festival have announced further details of the ticket purchasing system for the 2007 event, to take place in June.

Emily Eavis has revealed to Pop 24 how the tickets will be allocated based on the outcome of a series of problem-solving tasks, each one more bizarre than the last.

As has previously been widely reported in the media, would-be festival-goers will be obliged to register with the Mean Fiddler organisation next month, providing name, address, daytime contact number, credit card details, known allergies and political affiliations, together with a recent utility bill and DNA swab.

"Registration is only the first stage of the ticket-buying process," revealed Eavis yesterday. "Within a fortnight of having their registration confirmed, each customer will receive their own personal cryptic clue. This may be delivered to the recipitent by email, SMS text message, carrier pigeon, or it may well appear to them in a feverish dream."

But that's not all. The clue is the first of several which will lead the card-holder on a dizzying treasure hunt across land and sea, taking in several continents. Eventually, the treasure hunters (who must work in units of no more than two) will be led to Michael Eavis's secret underground lair, where the baldly landlord himself will preside over a week-long tournament of games aimed to test mental and physical agility. Only the top-ranking few thousand will be permitted to attend the festival, with the ultimate winner to be crowned Champion Of The World on the Pyramid Stage by Radiohead on Saturday night.

In the event of a draw, Ms Eavis said: "I would not be surprised if we resorted to bare-knuckle wrestling. Probably nude."

A quick straw-poll carried out by Pop 24 revealed that a significant majority of music fans welcomed this move as hugely preferable to the previous booking system.