Winehouse offered Government post

WESTMINSTER -- Further controversy surrounded Gordon Brown's plans for Government this evening, after Pop 24 learnt that controversial pop sensation Amy Winehouse has informally been offered a ministerial position.

Sources close to the Brown and Winehouse camps confirmed that the Chancellor met with Winehouse briefly on 17 June to tentatively discuss the offer of a junior ministerial position within the Department for Culture, Media and Sport; most likely a newly created role along the lines of Minister of Jazz, Soul and R&B. It is understood that, as part of the arrangement, Ms Winehouse would have been appointed to the Labour benches of the House of Lords.

Pop 24 understands that Winehouse told the Prime Minister-in-waiting to stick his job up his arse.

UK Government announces Ten Albums You Must Own By Law

WESTMINSTER -- Tessa Jowell, the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport, today announced details of the Government's controversial Popular Music (Mandatory Ownership) Bill, which for the first time will make the possession of certain albums compulsory.

The Bill is expected to come into force in summer 2008, when the records listed below will become legally obligatory for all residents of England and Wales, in vinyl, CD or digital format.

"But not cassette," warned Jowell. "Fuck that shit."

Anyone found not in possession of the collection will be forced to attend a music appreciation class and pay a fine of a fine of no more than GBP1,000, with the threat of up to six months' imprisonment for persistent offenders.

The legislation will not apply to Scotland, although the Scottish Parliament is reportedly considering bringing in a similar list, with Primal Scream, Altered Images and the Proclaimers all expected to feature prominently.

The British Government's Top Ten Albums You Must Own By Law is as follows.

1. The Beatles, Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
2. Beach Boys, Pet Sounds
3. Oasis, Definitely Maybe
4. U2, Achtung Baby
5. Radiohead, OK Computer
6. Coldplay, X&Y
7. The Beatles, Revolver
8. REM, Automatic For The People
9. Killers, Hot Fuss
10. Robbie Williams, Swing When You're Winning

Bananarama take control of Fiji in shock military coup

In a move that has rocked the world of eighties pop to its already fragile knees, girl group Bananarama have stormed government offices in the remote South Pacific nation of Fiji.

Citing deposed prime minister Laisenia Qarase's involvement in corruption and lack of leadership skills, and the refusal of the British public to support yet another unnecessary eighties comeback act, Woodward and Dallin staged a thankfully bloodless coup at around 0800 GMT on Monday. They have, however, warned that force could be used if Fijians refuse to accept 'Love In The First Degree' as their new national anthem.

Speaking from behind a bush somewhere in London, former friend of the band and current heinous druggie George Michael expressed his shock and disappointment. "I just can't believe it," he said, hurriedly pulling up his trousers. "I know 'Drama' was a flop, but they've taken it too far. I don't even know where Fiji is."

The international community has also strongly condemned the coup. Aid from the UK, US and New Zealand has been suspended, and Fiji faces expulsion from the Commonwealth of Nations. Hopes for the restoration of constitutional democracy on the islands have been pinned on UN Chief Secretary Of 1980s Relations Marc Almond, who is believed to have been parachuted in to act as a mediator. Rumours that mediation may take the form of yet another collaborative version of 'Tainted Love' are as yet unsubstantiated.

Panic! At The Disco throw weight behind Cameron's Tories

Tony Blair's leadership of the Labour Party took a fresh blow last night, as US rock band Panic! At The Disco announced their support for David Cameron.

 

In an interview with the London Times newspaper, frontman Midge Ure (37) said he admired the Conservative leader's record on the environment and social issues.

 

This is particularly bad news for the British government as it comes only days after My Chemical Romance sensationally defected to the Liberal Democrats.

We Are Scientists unaffected by Mid-East crisis

We Are Scientists have been completely unaffected by the ongoing Middle East crisis, we can reveal.

 

Speaking exclusively to Pop 24 by semaphore, frontman Billy-Bob Thornton said the band were some distance from the conflict, and had no friends or relatives in the troubled region.

 

"Our drummer's great-aunt lived in Beirut for a short while in the '60s," he mused by flag-proxy. "But no longer."