Cutty Sark: Ditto arrested

LONDON -- Gossip star Beth Ditto was arrested yesterday in connection with the Cutty Sark fire of a week ago.

Ditto is understood to have been seen in the Greenwich area on 21 May, and there have been reports that she has become increasingly "obsessed" with the nineteenth-century clipper ship in recent months.

At the Gossip/CSS gig at the Manchester Roadhouse three days prior to the blaze, Ditto at one stage incited the audience to chant, "f*** the Cutty Sark." After the event, she was overheard telling a fan: "You know what I like about [Manchester]? It's 200 miles away from that f***ing boat. What's the deal with that, anyway? It's like a huge boat that doesn't even go anywhere? Someone should do something about it. I think you know what I'm saying."

There is speculation within the music industry that Ditto is fed up with being associated with her size and sexuality, and may have started the fire in order to add a new and unexpected element to her persona: namely the destruction of antique sea vessels.

The Metropolitan Police today confirmed they had detained an American woman in her 20s in connection with the fire, which they are treating as suspicious.

Yourcodenameis:milo cause turmoil in publishing industry

The UK publishing industry was in freefall today, as a direct result of the forthcoming 'Print Is Dead' album by Yourcodenameis:milo.

Shares of major players, including the parent companies of Random House, Penguin and Hodder Headline, plumetted overnight, and rumours are circulating that at least one CEO has blown her own brains out with a gun.

Jeremy Thorpe, editor of trade magazine The Bookseller, told Pop 24: "With developments in electronic and online publishing and other new technologies, the industry has had concerns about the future of print for some time, but frankly I don't think anybody thought our worst fears would be confirmed by a north-eastern post-hardcore act via the medium of a collaborative project also featuring the likes of Tom Vek and Bloc Party."

"This is by some distance the darkest hour for the whole book trade of my lifetime," he continued.

Meanwhile, the Government has organised public book-burnings in several of Britain's major cities to dispose of publications deemed "obsolete" in the wake of Yourcodenameis:milo's proclomation, including but not limited to the Bible, 'Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason', Foucault's 'History of Sexuality', and the Yellow Pages.

Morrissey accuses Gnarls Barkley of conspiracy

Morrissey has accused Gnarls Barkley of deliberately sabotaging his chances of a UK Number One single by releasing a much better record.

Ranting to nobody in particular, the ex-Smith complained that 'Crazy' was intentionally better conceived, written and produced than his half-arsed, self-indulgent dirge 'You Have Killed Me'.

"Was it any coincidence that the two songs were released in the same week?" Morrissey shouted at a middle-aged woman who was clearly trying not to make eye-contact. "I think not!"

Morrissey went on to say he would not rule out the possibility that his number three chart position was the result of a much wider conspiracy involving the BPI, the BBC, the NME and the European Union.

Arctic Monkeys crushed by piano

Internet pop sensation the Arctic Monkeys have been crushed to death by a grand piano, shortly after winning the 2006 Mercury Music Prize.

The tragic incident happened as the Sheffield four-piece were leaving the ceremony venue, just hours after accepting the £20,000 cheque for their album Whatever You Say I Am, That's What I'm Not. Onlookers were reported as saying the deadly piano “just seemed to appear from nowhere”.

A member of the mysterious Mercury judging panel, who asked to remain anonymous, was quoted as saying “Mwa-ha-ha-haaaa!”, before disappearing in a puff of black smoke.

Panic! At The Disco throw weight behind Cameron's Tories

Tony Blair's leadership of the Labour Party took a fresh blow last night, as US rock band Panic! At The Disco announced their support for David Cameron.

 

In an interview with the London Times newspaper, frontman Midge Ure (37) said he admired the Conservative leader's record on the environment and social issues.

 

This is particularly bad news for the British government as it comes only days after My Chemical Romance sensationally defected to the Liberal Democrats.

We Are Scientists unaffected by Mid-East crisis

We Are Scientists have been completely unaffected by the ongoing Middle East crisis, we can reveal.

 

Speaking exclusively to Pop 24 by semaphore, frontman Billy-Bob Thornton said the band were some distance from the conflict, and had no friends or relatives in the troubled region.

 

"Our drummer's great-aunt lived in Beirut for a short while in the '60s," he mused by flag-proxy. "But no longer."