Surveillance (week ending 3 September)

There is no escape!

Fame Academy loser PETER BRAME openly playing with himself in a bus shelter in Penzance

Radio 1 disc-jockey JO WHILEY happy-slapping pensioners on the Morecambe sea-front

Public Enemy clock-loving jester FLAVOR FLAV shoplifting rawlplugs and fuses from B&Q in Norwich

Erstwhile Pulp frontman JARVIS COCKER trying to get himself noticed in London's fashionable Hoxton district

Formerly cool New Yorkers THE STROKES paintballing on a team-building weekend in County Durham

Slightly famous idiot DUNCAN JAMES making a bloody nuisance of himself in Hull

Readers! Have YOU spotted a famous pop star out and about? Then for God's sake, keep it to yourself.

Surveillance

Week ending 27 August 2006

Iron Maiden's BRUCE DICKINSON buying a USB cable in Dixons, Penrith

DANIEL BEDINGFIELD pointing at a tramp and laughing madly in Chester

MUTYA from Sugababes chasing pigeons in London's Trafalgar Square, London

CRAIG DAVID buying up entire back-catalogue of Craig David records from HMV in Watford, Herts ... and again, later the same day, in Luton

Fame Academy loser PETER BRAME gazing rapturously at own reflection in shop window on the Holloway Road, before being chased away by irate butcher for leaving greasy fingerprints on the glass

NATALIE IMBRUGLIA doing the hoovering in her house

SNOOP DOGG doing a funny little dance by the side of the road in Los Angeles

JAMELIA, just minding her own business, in Crewe